Over the hill

Seeing left but not right

I thought me and him were friends

But he gets mad when I told him to work things out with his ex girlfriend

But I should have known that just because he said that he would be my friend and he didn’t mean it

So now whenever I do texted him he’s the one with the attitude

Is this what I get when I seek a friendship with a man

I get nothing but attitude and distance

So I don’t know what at friends are no more

And I been not have any friends even when i was in high school yea I had a few friends but they were never a real friend to me

But here I am at the age 24 still hoping for friends but still got mistreated and played again and again

Now I am rejected by friendship and I been rejected by love a long time ago

What is left for me to get rejected or played by?

Self doubting myself and being hard on myself for not looking the part of their dream woman

Constantly thinking about getting plastic surgery done on my body so that I can be beautiful and what the black boys want as a friend because as myself I am not good enough for their approval because I am not a whore but isn’t true that all good things come for those who are patient? Well I been patiently waiting for things very good things to come to me but they never did and I don’t know if they will

Just because I am a good girl but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve a understanding and respectfully guy as a friend but to boys my color that is over the hill

Ain’t happy about the holidays

Ain’t nothing happy about Christmas

Or even New Years

Ain’t nothing happy about nothing no more

When you are like me

I am broke and I can’t afford anything that I want because the money that I have is always asking for it back by grandma or by my mom

I am unemployed but still looking for jobs I been looking for jobs for six years now and still haven’t found one

I am suicide and keep thinking of dying and wanting to die it’s sad

But don’t feel sorry for me

Black boys are gay sad but true

Black boys are gay

While some of black girls are straight

But most of them are turning gay as well

What is it

Is it the music

The musical artist lifestyle are making changes in black girls and boys life

Is that’s why black boys are thinking that I’m gay which I’m not

So to them I’m not their type girl that would be interested in dating me

Their mock ways are very hurtful to me

They look at me and think so badly of me

What’s wrong with me ?

Why am I not worthy of their love ?

Why do they play game with me ?

Why do I always want something that’s real from them ?

Why do they always says that they like me and wants to be with me

But when I say no to sex or no I don’t want sex

They act little girls and start to beg and plea for yes

But I’m not with that and they don’t get that

They have me running in a loop

For their attention and their love

When there’s the ones with the problem

When there’s the ones that doesn’t want a relationship with me despite that they says that they do but all that is part of their game and it’s bullshit to me

When they can’t be real with me

When they can’t be a man and be honest with me

Cause a man doesn’t lie to their woman but only little boys do

I don’t get black boys

I didn’t get them in high school and I don’t get them now

Why they didn’t give me a chance in high school ?

Why they haven’t given me a chance now?

When will they ever give me a chance?

And when will I met my Prince

Barely see me

Barely see me

Noticing you

Cause that’s how you treat me

Dangle your time for me for a day

I bore you by saying no

You bore me by still pursuing me

I don’t get why you try and still got the same answer

Did I stood up you

Did you not try

So I barely see you there while you don’t see me at all

Was this noun exists a relationship between the two is a lack of effort and neglect

Where I go ?

Do I still try to get his attention back on me ?

But I know that I was talking

He I didn’t get to know

But only the little things he told me

Life is life and people are people

I need to learn to let them be

Cause they are the ones that never notice me

I liked it best when it was equal feelings that’s a match

He didn’t wanted to date me

And yet still told me that he liked me

And I didn’t want to meet him

Cause what’s the point of meeting him and I didn’t wanted to

Yet he still ask me to be his girlfriend

And I stupidly said I’ll be his girlfriend

He doesn’t like to text me or call me

And I don’t like to meet him

Cause we wasn’t a real couple

So it wasn’t real to me

But to him maybe it was real